Reeling in free-form worship
The liturgical books are smarter than we are
Photo from Photos.comI can’t blame people for not knowing what’s appropriate for liturgy when they see so many instances of free-form worship in our culture (some, alas, in Catholic churches). This leaves me in a tough spot when I’m asked questions like, “Why can’t we play Somewhere Over the Rainbow at Aunt Emma’s funeral Mass?” or “Can I have my little dog Poochie precede me down the aisle during my wedding procession?” I instinctively hate the conversations that follow from questions like these. I really have to work hard to say the right thing. But I try to remember it’s also an opportunity to teach.
A plea for help
“Somewhere Over the Rainbow meant so much to Aunt Emma”—and it clearly means a lot to the person who’s asking that it be played at her funeral Mass. That may have been Aunt Emma’s dying wish; but there’s also likely to be unfinished family business, along with grief and anxiety to make sure other family members see that things “go right,” and other things I can’t imagine. A request like this isn’t the equivalent of, “Would you pass the salt?” It’s a plea for understanding and for help.
It is important to listen to the words and to the feelings underlying the request. This isn’t the time for a Rogerian, “You-seem-to-want-that-song-played” response. The person expects action—and sometimes it’s action I can’t agree to. But if we go deeper, maybe we can find some area of agreement. I try to get “on the same side of the table” with the person, and come up with a question like, “What can we do to honor your aunt at her funeral?”
Find shared values
It’s also important for me to have a clear sense of what the Church’s values are in this situation, as well as its rules. Often it’s possible to find an agreement on shared values in situations where, if we stayed at the level of decisions and actions, we’d disagree. When you focus on shared values it can open up a course that all can agree on. At least it makes it more likely that we’ll come up with a course of action that’s legitimate to worship and that we can all live with.
Another option is to create an alternative that demonstrates just how much energy is behind the sentiment while also encouraging its legitimate expression. This is especially true when dealing with an emotional request rather than with a specific request (as in, “Why don’t we sing God Bless America on the July 4 weekend?”). In our parish, we hold a “patriotic hymn-sing” each Fourth of July weekend around the flagpole outside, rather than at Mass. We have it at an hour convenient to our most popular Masses and invite people who want to sing patriotic hymns to do so—just not during Mass. This not only lets people who genuinely want to sing patriotic hymns with their fellow parishioners get together to sing them, but it also demonstrates to all just how many people are genuinely interested if it costs them just a little movement outside their comfort-zone. (Out of about 700 people attending the two Masses, we get maybe 25 at the hymn-sing. That tells us as leaders, as well as the loudest advocates, how widespread and how strong the sentiment, in fact is, for patriotic hymns.)
Right worship
One more important thing to remember: We need to do worship right all the time. By setting the way we pray the Mass each Sunday as a standard to which we measure other things, and by parish leaders presuming that the liturgical books are smarter than we are, and curbing our own enthusiasm for innovation, we set a benchmark for how our parish prays. As a result, I can confidently help people pray at their particular special moment the way our parish prays. Sorry, Poochie.
Ted Fleet is the pen name for a Catholic pastor who believes the role of a parish is to change lives through the Risen Christ.
